Forward Movement

As I set here and type this I have been going over and over in my head what this coming year will look like. This seems to be the year of the unknown. In my personal life there are rather large looming unknowns. I am going to school to try and get a 4 year sports physical therapy degree. Completion of that seems light years from here. Injury has plagued my body as of late. I get up in the morning and wonder where that person is that can run 30 miles in the mountains, come home mow the lawn and forget that I had even run that day. How will my training unfold with Derek for Pine to Palm this coming September? Am I even capable of running 100 miles?
It's easy for me to be drowned emotionally and spiritually in these types of questions. But one idea I cling to is "moving forward". It is not wrong for me to think of such things but in the past I have let this type of thought process paralyze me. I would drown in a sea of self doubt,wishful thinking and depression. But no longer. I can't afford to do that anymore. I am not 20 years old. Each day statistically I become less likely to make it to the next. Now is the time to stand up and see what god willing I can do.
Never have I been a list person nor am I still. But I have begun to make at least a few short mental lists that constantly come to mind in both my daily but long term routine. One of those list is what do I need to be good at? Often I find myself average at everything because I do just that. Everything. Over the years I believed I was average at everything because I was not capable or talented enough. Through running I have realized I was a quitter. When those defining moments of progress were presented to me they were typically covered in effort or pain. Often I was not willing to work through them to see the fruit that was to come. I guess in a way I was immature and short sighted.
This list of what I need to be good at is a tool to keep me from those mistakes in the past. A reminder of what defines me as a human who was built to live. We were not built to be idle. Work is good and right. From it comes blessing. Blessing for yourself but also others. Isn't that why we are here? To bring something better into a world that is so often burdened by just the opposite? I am not saint nor anyone special. But I am making this year of "moving forward" a year of outward expression of inner struggle.
My short list of things to be good at is nothing special but I am willing to share if you are interested. First is be a better dad for my daughter. Second is be a better friend to those who are in touch with my life. Third to be a better runner across the board. Fourth be a good student following through with my commitments. Finally work on my relationships with family. Non of the items listed are in an order of importance. They are all important to me. Some may be more of a focus on certain days but over all they are my goals. They are goals for myself but not just for me. The hope is through sacrifice of myself looking long term they will be blessing to others as much as they are for me.
The art of living. Isn't that what we all long to do? To live and to live as richly as possible? Each person has their own way of expressing the art. I encourage everyone to look deep in their souls, pull out their brushes of life and begin to paint the wonderful pictures of life. .