Shadowed Sun

Sometimes it seems shadows are constantly over my life. Both from an emotional perspective but also from a "life choices" perspective. I have never been one to make large life decisions wisely. A million reason why this is the case and a million more to blame. But in the end they are my choices. Made by me, by me alone.
This life issue of mine was being tossed around in my brain while I put on my running clothes.
It was nighttime as I got ready and the wind was howling. I mean literally. The car was rocking back and forth. The thought started to creep in "all this darkness,cold,wind" I don't want to get out of the car and run. I was presented with the choice... run or not.
In looking at many of my bad decisions of the past most of them have been made while in darkness. What I mean by darkness is emotionally I was not in a good place. I also found myself making decisions on the spot without being fully informed on the decision I was about the make. Snap decisions being made without logical thought. Shooting from the hip.
I wondered last night if I should make the decision to run being clouded by the darkness,cold and wind. Would it be a wise choice? I decided to ignore the "whats the point of this run" "you don't have to do this" "your tired go home" "your no runner". I finished up putting on my clothes. Wrapped my headlight around my head and stepped out of the car.
The wind hit me like a train. It was cold. One thing most people who succeed in life don't tell you much about is even though you may make the correct choice it often times does not feel good. I was not feeling good. To boot a hunter was packing up his truck and he says something like "what and the hell are you doing running in this weather at night". I paused for a second and then the truth came to me. I responded "because this is livin' man!".
For some reason at that moment I believed that to my core. When you ignore the darkness in your life,think through your choice and follow it through it hurts. But in those times is when you find "life". May hurt for some time. May hurt for a long time but looking back I believe you will find a wise choice that was made that brought fruit for the long term.
The point of my run last night was not to run just 5.5 miles. It was for the long term good. I see no good in the short term but on long hills 78 miles into a race some months from now that cold nights 5.5 miles will be in the bank. Saved up. I will have a return and that return will allow growth that otherwise would not have been possible. I refused the darkness,thought about my options and what each brought to the table and chose.
My run ended up being a blessing before it was said and done. The trail was smooth from the snow. The trees clattered and chattered their night time conversation as the wind blew their brittle limbs against each other. Breath rose from my mouth like steam from a train climbing up a mountain side. Cold air brushing my face, creeping up my sleeves. The run was over and it was time to leave.
I ran through the darkness last night and am a better man today from it.