It seems I was being covered in reminders that the season of migration is upon us. At least in the small world of south central pa. Driving up to Reading,Pa this past sunday morning, every direction my eyes looked towards saw the signs of movement and change.
From the sky it was large bird migrations and the familiar distant squawk and quack that goes along with that type of thing. The winter wheat was beginning to turn green. A fresh new pale green. The soil moist and dark. As I past over the great Susquehanna River it was full of the muddy early spring flood waters. Pumping new life into what is to come.
Even the angle of the sun deeply resonated with some primal part of my being reminding me of this season of migration. There are no words for me to describe the movement inside these visual clues cause. I only know they are real and bring up a well of rather unusual emotions. Some happy, some sad and some just so. A sort of anticipation for something you don't fully understand.
My run this weekend with Derek was very much like the season of migration. As were the conversations, sights and sounds at the Ugly Mudder trail race. Something was resonating inside of me. The primal me. The part that I do not fully understand myself. Full of emotions from one end to the other I was. I thought about my family and what they mean to me. I thought about how each of us is so very different yet all human. I thought about struggle and the creations that come from such a thing. I felt passion and I felt alone.
I honestly cannot distill everything down and make full sense of it. Not yet. But I do know these were feelings predicting something yet to come. I guess in a sense I felt in a rather abstract way, my own migration to a place I have yet to come to.
Thanks Derek,Leon,Larry,Jason,Eric,Helene and others I may be forgetting for adding depth to my life this weekend that would otherwise not have been.
Jess
I had a few questions directed to me regarding the stairclimber that I have been training on while letting my tendon heal. I have a really crappy video of me at the gym climbing. I think this was shot about 2 hours into a 2.5 hour climb so things are pretty sweaty and gross but a visual is always nice.
Hoping that these long climbs will give me the endurance and strength I need for successful hill running once I am back in the swing of things.
So... here you go:
Finally have a few moments to make an entry about the adventure of running and of life in general. Where was I last entry? Oh yes form, food and function. One item I neglected to touch on in my last post was time.
Some things just take time. In this quick fix instant gratification culture we are all so immersed in time and the art of waiting seems to be frowned upon at best and more typically is scoffed. I am finding the cliche' saying of "good things come to those who wait" is more times than not, very true. Of course you may find yourself in moments of "carpe diem " and by all means do so when the time is right. But for me i see the art of utilizing slow time as the bread of life and quick movement the salt.
A little salt goes along way and can really bring things alive but too much and your left with a very unfriendly situation.
I have been waiting. Very un patiently at times but waiting non the less. Hoping in the things unseen. It has been hard for me. But growth typically is. I do believe over the last several months I have learned a lot about myself, mentally. But also about life in general. I read somewhere the other day about passion of life as we age and train. In the latter stages you don't train so much from pure raw passion but train smart from your mind. While doing so you realize you ARE getting older and know time is short so your passion arises from your mind. I probably butchered the original text but it is true for me.
So much of my past in life has been shooting from the hip with passion. Sometimes good but more times than not it was ineffective. I feel over the last several months I have begun to shoot with my mind. Taking time to think. Taking time to be smart. This is a rather simple idea now that I type it out but applying it in daily life for me is both difficult and new. I stumble almost daily in trying but that is good. I hope my mental passion stays focused and willing to try.
Have I been able to run? After a pretty difficult last week covered in the sickness of strep throat I emerged running. Fast? No. Long? No. Consistently? yes. Slow running consistently means time to think. Think about my passion and what it is. How it can positively be played out in the time I am spared on this earth. So the creative process develops for me. One of the many reasons I love to run.
I have run every day since last saturday. Two blissful muddy trail runs followed by road runs daily during lunch at work. Been leaving the watch at home. Been leaving any ideas of what the run should be checked at the door. I savor the slow unfolding of the trip. I enjoy the doing. Thinking not of the end. In this a rhythm of thought and motion rather abstract ideas about life and all that it is to me reveal themselves.
This is what my running is to me right now. It is not about miles. It is not about speed. It is about being. It is about a rhythm no words describe. As i reflect on this I am so grateful for this gift. I am thankful for my broken body. I am thankful for the mind that I have. I am also thankful I am not alone. For being alone would take away all depth and meaning.
I remember on a run some years ago during the summer night. The moon was full and wonderful as often it is during this time. But the beauty was lonely. I felt deep sadness inside. Life is meant to be shared. Anyone want to come along for a run?
Since my last entry a few things have changed. No mental breakthroughs or abstract musings. Really it's just been very square. I was able to break my personal best in dead lifting at the gym this past Saturday. I was also able to break total miles climbed on the stairclimber at the gym. I did a 1 hour 30 min session and climbed over 500 floors. So fitness is coming along. Well at least gym fitness.
I was able to run today during lunch. I am really enjoying working on my stride,footing and overall symmetry. I have really been able to lock into a solid forefoot landing in my flats. I am finding it's helping a nagging ligament issue in my left inner ankle that has been painful for years now. Seems the forefoot landing helps reduce pronation on my left side which is the cause of the ligament pain. I did not expect this. I am finding I am able to run further and further without breaking form or feeling uncomfortable keeping it.
My tendon was not grumpy at all during my run at lunch today. Today was the first day I was able to run my 5 mile loop in the city without one single tinge of pain. Granted I have been really being sure to keep the pace slow and the form solid. But I am seeing glimpses of possible what is to come. Healing.
My hope is this "step back" from fast running and taking time not only to sort out my running form issues but also inflexibility issues will dividends in the long term. As I progress through this little project it's becoming apparent to me what happened over this last racing season. I was running more miles per week than I ever had. I was running this miles faster than I ever had. Those two things revealed deficiencies in my form that were not apparent at lower mileage/slower mileage of past.
I thought about cars today while running. Low horsepower slower cars can get away with unbalanced wheels,unbalanced internal engine components. But start adding horsepower and speed and those things become crucial in keeping things together. I suspect the human body is much like that. Balance,strength are essential in keeping things together. Along with good fuel.
That is one of the other items on my hit list to fully sort. My diet outside of racing is solid. But during racing it's lacking. I am rather inconsistent in eating while racing and typically wait WAY too long before ingesting calories. This has caused serious issues for me in the longer races. I just cannot recoup calories lost and I end up bonking hard towards the end of the race. So on some of my longer climbs at the gym on the stair climber I am beginning to see how my body reacts to gels,food ect ect. Watch how long it takes me to bonk. How long it takes for a gel to restore my energy after I bonk. I need to really find out how often,when and how many I need to maintain consistent energy without overdoing the food intake. This is going to take some time to sort.
So anyway I am going to try and run everyday this week during lunch and continue to hit the gym after work. Hopefully at some point I can begin to nix the gym in the AM and cut way back on weight training and begin to train for running and not gym fitness!
I do know that Derek's training is also coming along very well. He is WAY ahead of me in fitness and speed. It will be interesting to see how his training and mine shake out over the coming months. Though we are VERY similar when racing Derek's training is VERY VERY different than mine. Always amazing me how different the formula can be for each runner yet can yield fantastic results. Ah the art of the run!
I have not written much in the last two weeks. This is for several reasons but primarily I have just not had any constructive comments to make. Nor have I been moved inside by something worthy of mention. After yesterdays lunchtime road run I felt enough movement had been made to make an entry.
Over the last two weeks I continue to battle with my tendon issue. It is getting better. Just very slowly. I want more than anything for it to be healed. I want to run races. I want to dig deep into training and peel away all that is me and enter into the silence calm world I am driven into when pushing hard. But I cannot.
I have been attempting to take steps back, slow down and learn. Learn from this forced reduction in intensity.
A few things are becoming apparent to me. Number one is NEVER take anything you love or enjoy for granted. I know this is cliche' to say but it really is true. My mind can know this but my heart may not feel it. My heart has been feeling it. An example was while running in the melting snow earlier this week I purposely ran through each puddle of slush and snow soaking my feet. To feel the cool water in my shoes brought a calmness over my soul that I cannot explain. A joy there are no words for. Remember the joy of skipping as a child feeling light as a feather? or the feeling of a safe place and a soft bed after a hard days play as a child? It was similar to that. During the run I was awash in small subtle joys that I should never take for granted.
Number two is through adversity can come creativity. I have had to find ways to stay fit,keep positive and work with my tendon issue. Through this I have discovered flaws in my running form. Weakness in certain areas of my body. I have found the joy of taking time to stretch and become flexible. For the first time in my life I have almost touched my head to my knees while bending forward! Mentally I have also become more creative in staying positive in setbacks,failures and focus. By no means am I great at these things, but I do believe I am making moves in a positive direction.
Finally I am being refreshed in humbleness. I believe we all at some point build this bubble of who we are and where we stand in the pecking order in various parts of this life on earth. At times this can be productive in measuring progress but at times it can also bind you and blind you into thinking you are something you are not. Or someone that is better than something else. This type of thinking is detrimental to both my own personal growth but more importantly to the personal growth of those around you. In slowing down while running these thoughts have trickled in from somewhere I do not know. I am sure they would not have done so if I were able to run as hard as I would like.
You may ask what does this have to do with running? Well running for me personally is as much of a test physically as it is emotionally. When I combine the physical with the emotional I come up with life. I am thankful there is a tool called running to discover the mysteries of life. My hope is I am able to take these discoveries and apply them positively to both myself but also to my family,friends and anyone I may come into contact with. The spirit that is inside the music of the Local Natives has brought such wonderful creativity in their latest album. I would suspect they took time to slow down and focus when creating such fantastic music.
The nuts and bolts of the last two weeks:
Running: Roughy 20 miles a week. Slow on roads.
Gym: Lifting weights in the am
Gym: Stairclimber in the pm.
I weighted myself at the gym for the heck of it. 156 pounds.
Progress to note: If I run today during lunch I will have run daily for the last 5 days. This is a first since October
I successfully beat my PR of total vertical miles climbed in an hour on the stairclimber at the gym. I just about barfed while doing so!
